07
Júl
13

The Witcher 2 – a legjobb dumák (spoiler-mentes!)

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Az alábbi bejegyzés egy tavalyelőtti beragadt írás, amely azáltal, hogy MEGINT a The Witcher 2-t tolom, aktuálissá vált. Elhatároztam, hogy amíg nincs lelkierőm írni valami eredetit annak a kb. másfél embernek, aki néha ránéz a blogomra, addig kinyomom az akár évekkel ezelőttről megmaradt és valamiért eddig nem postolt írásaimat.
Kedvenc Witcher 2 idézetből biztosan van még legalább ugyanennyi, a neveket pedig direkt nem írtam oda a legtöbbhöz, hogy mindenki próbára tehesse, mennyire emlékszik még a meglehetősen nyers, kiemelkedően megírt párbeszédekre.

Kedvenc idézetek vegyesen:

“This I like!”
“If this persists, they’ll pick us off like ducks! And I’m no duck.”
“Iorveth – a regular son of a whore.”
“King or beggar, what’s the difference ? One dh’oine less.”
“Wachu mean witcha?”
“Enough of this piss!”
“Only time I ever agree to be blindfolded is when I’m with a naked sorceress.”
“That was f***ing poetry!”
“I love these pussies with cocky names.”
“Relax Dandelion, I was just asking. Do what you want. You’re an adult… kind of.”
“With these cunts, Loredo couldn’t protect the port from a drunk lumberjack, let alone Iorveth.”
“Here’s to the whore’s son, Vernon Roche!”
“Listen. I’m a witcher and I’m massively hung over right now. So speak or regret it.”
“It’s a dog’s life Geralt, I’ll tell you that much.”
“Vodka good. Head hurt, aye. But no pain in brain.”
“Is your mind completely ploughed at this point?”
“I think we know who’s being the prick here.”
“Triss, stop thinking with your vagina and get a hold of yourself. The witcher will manage…”
“I take no pleasure in fraternizing with elves, but even a shit-coated stick can be a weapon.”
“Drinking alone is like shitting in company.”
“He stood all gentle as a lamb in council, stealing glances at her tits. When she spoke to him, he looked as happy as a fool whittling a wooden toy.”
“I trashed you and won a pile of coin. Not sure I care about your reputation.”
“It was like being in a brothel with no balls.”
“What could Yarpen tell me? I prefer listening to horses fart.”
“Fucking idiot actually went in!”
“My favorite type of magic – Lesbomancy!”

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“No need. I mean, it’s only steel that came off a heavenly body that crashed a few millennia ago and wiped out the entire population of giant lizards.”
“I think one of them’s a she. Ugly like shite after winter, but she’s got tits.”
“If only this bed could speak…”
“Be off… oh, the f***ing shame…”
“My prick withers like an old crone’s tits if I drink.”
“I know a woman is flighty. But to that scale?”
“Many thanks! At first I thought, ‘Go away emo’, but now I see you’re a good fellow.”
“OOODRIN! HERE BOY! OOOODRIN!”
“Did you come here to fuck?”
“Them elves like a bit of sufferin’ methinks.”
“Drinking without him is like ploughing without a… woman.”
“Looks like he slept in a vat full of ooze. And smell like he fell out a dwarf’s arsehole.”
“Bats! Baaaats! Swaaaarms of ’em!! Aaaaaarghhh! Get ’em away!”
“Beer inspires great conversation.”
“What, no ‘hello’, ‘good morning’, ‘pucker up and kiss my arse’? Nothing?”
“Me, a knight? I’d sooner call Zoltan a show dancer.”
“We enter the fray!”
“Every wench dreams of being ploughed by a king.”
“Uncle Dethmold will cast a tiny spell on your little house.”
“I’m a soldier and it pisses me off when I’m viewed as a pair of tips atop an arse.”
“I believe I’d split a rock into half with my dick sooner than I’d beat you at arm wrestling.”
“Anything’s possible using strength. One just has to know how to use it.”
“I’m a witcher. Curses are my hobby.”
“You’re shitting bricks because Henselt is coming. Who is he?! A god?!”
“Yeah, every time I mix it with vodka, my tongue gets hairy.”
“I’m not into murdering unconscious old men.”
“You’ll suffer the consequences of your foolishness!”
“Our queen left to powder her nose.”
“Geralt, Iorveth killed more men than you’ve eaten chickens.”

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Kedvenc oltogatós bró-párbesszédek:

Iorveth: “Piece of Lembas.”
Geralt: “What?”
Iorveth: “Nothing, dh’oine.”

Iorveth: “Did you see that little dh’oine whore? I like his kind best. Killing them is like pulling weeds – strangely relaxing.”
Geralt: “A simple thank you would do.”
Iorveth: “Oh, my manners. Consider yourself my hero.”

Kedvenc troll párbeszéd:

Geralt: “What’s in the pot?”
Troll: “Soup-elf an onion. Gooood. Want try?”
Geralt: “I don’t really care for onions.”
Troll: “Stupid wisha. Elf good taste with onions…Tomato like.”

Kedvenc disznó anekdoták:

Geralt: “Have you ever heard of the plant called the dwarven immortelle?”
Skaggs: “Have we? Do pigs have tight arses?”
Zoltan: “To tell the truth, I have no idea Skaggs.”
Skaggs: “It’s just a sayin’.”
Yarpen: “You’re the only one using it.”
Skaggs: …

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Katona 1: “His mother comes and tells him, ‘The elder and the recruiter are coming for you.’ He was slaughtering pigs at the time, so he takes a pig’s eye and puts it between his buttocks.”
Katona 2: “He does what?!”
Katona 1: “Puts a pig’s eye in his arse. The elder and the recruiter enters, and the mother says, ‘Son, they’ve come to take you to war.’ And he’s standing with his back to them, his pants down. He spreads his cheeks and says, ‘I can see that.'”
Katona 2: “Did they take him?”
Katona 1: “Not a chance.”

Random NPC szövegek:

“Plough the lilies!”
“Wait till he drops his f*cking guard!”
“PEOPLE, THE MUTANT’S PURSUING ME!”
“Can girls become witchas toooooo?”
“Why two swords? Does he lose them often?”
“Say somethin’ or did you just fart?”
“I’ll say it again: humans are strange.”
“Give us a kiss!”
“You hugged a bear or what?”
“Maidenhood intact and hunting dragons! Ever heard of a stranger lass?”

Dal a másfajúakról:

“a little elf was skipping down the path
PLOUGH ‘EM ALL PLOUGH ‘EM ALL
a dwarf came long and kicked him in the arse
PLOUGH ‘EM ALL PLOUGH ‘EM ALL
oh, you are f***ed dirty rotten scum
PLOUGH ‘EM ALL PLOUGH ‘EM ALL
do that again and I’ll f*** yer mum
PLOOOUUGGGH THEM AAAALLLLLLL”

Kedvenc aréna bekiabálás:

“I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY”

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